What would it be like if I had never met him? How would life be different if I had just stayed at that job? It is possible to fill your reflections with ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’ which eat away and darken the present moment. I would not erase any moment. Not the moment my brother died, not my divorce, not the abuse I have been through. They all create the present that I live now- with all its difficulties and challenges and that is what I have been given. But to bigger world events that in many ways are not mine to erase or not erase- the break up of the Ottoman empire, the Nakba, the industrial revolution- in my view all catastrophic events which have led to terrible inequality, exploitation and oppression… would I erase these? And the answer is, I don’t think so. I would erase present human suffering if I could instantly, but the events themselves, apart from the suffering form a part of history that shapes the direction of destiny. Regrets can make you mourn possibilities based on things that didn’t happen. As such, regret has never really shaped my way of thinking too much. Things are the way they are and difficult events shape existence as it is now. I miss my brother terribly. I bear the scars of abuse. And I know this is nothing compared to daily suffering endured by the Palestinians and other oppressed people. But to erase even the hardest of events would erase the present and I think God knows best.
Shifa Rose Therapy
Depth therapy and counselling for Muslim clients