I remember my dad telling me when I was very young; ‘the only certainty in life is death.’ When I think of these wise words now I think they were a brave and true thing which must have stayed with me or else I wouldn’t be relaying it now. But do I always live by it? When I was younger, I think I did. As child, a teen and a student, even when I first became a teacher in my early twenties, I think I did. The point of change was having children. Suddenly, uncertainty just won’t cut it. You have societal pressures which you don’t necessarily agree with but feel the heavy weight of them, you have family expectations, you are juggling a thousand different things and you are doing it all because you place such profound importance in your children. At this point, uncertainty becomes intolerable. You try to build certainty through never forgetting anything and through making networks so that any issues will have a fall back plan. I guess it why so many mothers feel completely exhausted. At age 44, I am now a therapist. In my training I learned that Milton Erickson said that the greatest indicator of poor mental health was rigidity or an inability to be flexible. And it is all based on this need for certainty in a world where nothing is certain. Through my own therapy and reflection I have found that I can observe my discomfort with uncertainty and begin to reframe it so that it becomes a more tolerable element in life.
Shifa Rose Therapy
Depth therapy and counselling for Muslim clients